Three of Wands

Life is merely a game. A deck of cards. If you deal them right, you’ll find the reasons behind your victories and defeats and the dots will start connecting.

My first teacher of Romanian was very harsh. Over the years, I felt the need to be liked by her, the same way that she liked some of my fellow students. I now realise that I cared for her, yes, and that I was grateful for everything that she had taught me, but not the way that I loved my other teachers. In the eighth grade, my parents asked her to tutor me, as we had to pass the high school entry examination. She said ‘No, she doesn’t need any tutoring. She is the best’ – I was the best, but the truth is that she couldn’t bear being next to me, she couldn’t stand me or the spark in my eye.

Intellectually, I was always in control and on top, even if on this side also my ‘let’s-think-outside-of-the-box’ attitude was almost never appreciated at the two universities that I studied in Scotland and made me shift gears. Physically, it has always been a completely different story [with native talent probably only for badminton and ice skating].   

One dotted with meaningless issues like 10 in all subjects except Physical Education, last year’s horseback riding trip in the mountains near Nămăeşti wreaking of materialism and meagreness, this year’s dreadful descent on Jiu River, the questions of the kayaking session on Una River left stubbornly unanswered, or being labelled as the ‘girl with an improper conduct’ by my scuba trainer in Malta. :-) There’s a smile on my face now, but all these did affect and hurt me, although always putting on a brave face. It’s hard to come across people who simply don’t like you when you probably charm almost every person you meet with your way of being and with the spark in your eye.

Not all people should be allowed to play the part of teachers, instructors, or trainers. The psychological weight is one of the trickiest of all fields and – it’s like in romantic relationships –, the way that your first love treats you is very important for all the interactions with your future partners. I worked as a teacher myself for several years and teaching someone without involvement equals zero.

Getting along with men has always felt more natural to me than dealing with women. However, there were many men questioning my abilities and skills. Based on looks, based on nationality, based on first impressions... I have no idea. You know those eyes rolled. It’s a pretty known sight to me and my girlfriends; it translates as: ‘Aaaah... you’ve come rafting... Do you even know how to hold a paddle?’ You bet. My girlfriends and I can even paddle better than most of the guys in the boat. And we’ve done some pretty scary stuff over the years, that many men wouldn’t. I’m a woman. So what? I’ve never acted like one: I don’t like or know how to cook, I detest the idea of marriage, and having children is not my ultimate thing. I want more.

I want adventure, I want to get goose pimples every time I travel, I want to force my limits and never stop, because we are built to stretch. Even if this means that I have to work twice as hard. It takes me a lot of time to learn the physical stuff, but once I’m there, I act as thoroughly as in all the other fields of my life. I bow before those having recognised the spark in my eyes and I am happy with all my heart at the occasional ‘you paddle professionally’ [heard it last uttered on Tara River, in June]. I learned how to swim on my own, after many failed attempts alongside my Dad; I fought my fears and got back into my kayak each and every time; I finally learned how to snowboard and I love it to death! Is this courage? Some of you think so. But my heart says that the most important ingredients are passion and love for something. And the will to fight and never give up if the reasons feel right. And I’ve got passion, positivity, and strength burning inside my soul for at least four future lives.

A young man becomes king and wins the crown against all odds. Or, at least, this is the symbology of the card in the title. Could that be a young woman instead? :-)